Let Me Know if You Need Me to Cry For You

I'm going to cry on Saturday. Let me know if you want to be added to my Tear List.

It's similar to a prayer list, but I'm not asking the good Lord for additional favor. I'm just willing to cry in your honor. Because if you're anything like me, you're probably due a good sob session and have not found the time to fit it in your busy schedule. You may not get to it as soon as you need to. So I'm volunteering to do it on your behalf. Don't send in any song requests. All tears shed will be to a soundtrack consisting of songs like Boyz to Men's "I'm Doing Just Fine." and Uncle Sam's "I Don't Ever Want to See You Again". No relation to what the tears are about, there is just something therapeutic about the melancholy of 90s R&B.

The unique thing about living today is that we are literally bombarded with negative news all day long. From the person killed in the DUI down the street to the plights of nations abroad, we are mere clicks away from the opportunity to absorb additional pain. Everyone's struggle is now our own. Everyone's loss is one we can also tally. Everyone's battles we suit up for. This is on top of the shitty things that happen in our actual life. And we are all dealing with unique steaming piles of shit.

It's too much.

It's too much and we don't have enough time to work through what we feel before we find out another ten children were killed running from second period.

It's too much and we still have to Uber after work despite our expensive degree.

It's too much and sometimes we want to just sip instead of cry.

It's too much and we still have to binge 3 shows on Netflix.

It's too much and we still have to go to the gym for “self care”.

It's too much, it's our besties birthday, and she doesn't want tear saltiness mixed in the mimosas at brunch.

It's just too damn much. Too much to deal with daily, as it comes or ever. So some of us never find the time to deal with it at all.
With two very impressionable babies at home, I restrict the amount of sad faces they see and negative words they hear. I mean my son watches Lion King once a week and still hasn't seen Mufasa die. I don't want their communication to be founded on frustration or despair. The problem is, as someone who literally needs to go through their emotions in order to not be victimized by them, waiting to feel can be difficult. It can be overwhelming. It can be dangerous.

I can't cry when I feel like it. I have to cry when it's convenient. When it's acceptable. When it won't affect anyone other than myself. So I schedule my tears. I hold onto all the pain, box it up, and promise my heart it'll just have to wait until a little longer to come out. 

That sleepless night. That feeling of failure. That person who hurt my feelings. That person that died. Just wait. Your time will soon come. I'll mourn the loss and the languish all at once. I promise, before I explode, or implode. 

I know I'm not the only one. But I may be the only one available on Saturday.  I'll gladly be that random person you see driving and singing at the top of their lungs in an concerning state of sadness. Complete with an abundance of tears. Hell I'm already that person for myself so I have no problem being that person for you too.

Usually I have a quick boohoo in the shower. But there's been so much going on in my life and in the world, I need an extended session. I need to empty. To expel. To express. 

I need to cry. 

If you also need to cry, no matter the reason, let me know. I'll add you. Hey, If you just want to know you're not alone at 930-ish in the morning, just join in remotely. We can combo cry. Give a one-two punch to our troubles like a kick ass WWE tag team. 

Whatever works. I'm here. Whatever you need. Let's make it happen. 

I know it's hard. I know enough time is never enough time to fit yourself into your priorities. I know all the happiness in the world won't wash away all the pain in our lives. I know. So I'm going to cry on Saturday. Let me know if you need me to include your sorrows.