A Real Lover Girl

I have never had to look for Love. It has, and it will always, find me. We go together like that.

I see it in everything, feel it in everything, want it… in everything.

So when Valentine’s Season comes around, and people begin to roll their eyes at the thought of it, for me it's in the air like catnip, wafting, intoxicating, demanding I literally stop and smell the roses.

The irony of the anniversary of my separation, an emotional low, and my favorite time of year, an emotional high, being at the time isn’t lost on me. Just like Love and I are connected, my opp Chaos is never too far away. I have reconciled with the extremes. I give Love my best and with Love, your best is all you need.

I see Love in my Littles. They reflect the light of my efforts, intensifying it to point of being borderline blinding to where I cannot see beyond them. It is in those moments I surrender the most. Love is insisting I’m present, steady, focused. Love wants me to keep my eye on the prize, their laughter and their peace.

I celebrate it in my nieces and nephews. Easily the best of my siblings, no shade. They have everything we needed, and most of what we wanted, healing the wounds we thought would never close and showing us the future we didn’t know was possible. But we Loved it into reality. We Loved them into a better place.

I admire it in my Neos, in their beauty, confidence, and success. They keep me connected to the next wave of Love. It's more secure, less sacrificial, unapologetic and welcoming. They speak a dialect of Love that reverberates and echoes in my heart.

I welcome it with my Besties. Well, I am trying to. Trying to learn Love is a two-way street of reciprocity. That I’m not just a spout, but a vessel. I still feel overwhelmed sometimes. I have a hard time asking for help. I have an even harder time accepting that I impact people in positive ways. I jokingly told someone, I don’t do things for recognition, I for the Love of the game. But slowly I am accepting, the game actually Loves me back.

I appreciate it when people don’t know what to do with it. When they meet my Love and they question it, doubt it, or even try to capitalize on it. Because the Love I have is rare, you can’t find it everywhere and you can’t make it like I do. So, if you’ve never been Loved how I Love… I can see how it can be intimidating or confusing. Sometimes my Love is just too much because it requires them to show up deeply and authentically. It’s okay, my Love ain’t for everyone. But who it is for, is me.

I’ve never given Love on loan.

Never asked for a refund.

There is no short supply of affection.

People have let me down, Love hasn’t.

It has carried me when I have lost my footing and enveloped me when I needed protection. It has regenerated without fail and has overflowed without waning. I owe Love so much, how could I not amplify it to the fullest? It’s why I keep extra in my pocket for whoever needs a hug, I stay strapped with compliments for familiars and strangers alike, and I pack attention and encouraging words over the weight limit; because I have no problem the extra fee for good conversation.

While Love and I could never really be on the outs, admittedly, sometimes I lose it amongst the noise of life. I take it for granted because it comes so easy. I don’t prioritize it when I am busy. I neglect it when Chaos makes a scene.

And Love waits for me. It allows me to lay myself bare, mend, break, mend, break and mend again. I would say I don’t know who I would be without it, but I see it every day. We see it play out around us, every day. That’s not for me. I will always choose having too much, being inconvenienced by it, and it requiring my all, over living without it.

I am, and will always be, All About Love.

I hope you find the most of it this Season, and it carries you when you need it the most.